The Love Or Karma Guru Letters

Dear Love or Karma Guru,

My story is similar to the one you have written on your website. Only I did not tell my wife I wanted to not be married, I told her I wanted us to go to counseling and I was not seeing anyone else.

Thing is, my wife works a lot... I do not see her till late each evening, and we were not having sex at all. There we times we did not have sex for over a year. In fact, the day we got married we stopped any sexuality between us for over a year. I was confused by it and being spiritual, I tried a life of celibacy (which I now know is not necessarily spiritual... for we need that connection!)

Things are a little better since counseling. We no longer go. But we did get to voice issues that we both harbored (especially the sexual part for myself). I guess I am writing because the woman's letter on your webpage was similar to what I told my wife.

I liked your reply to her. It is what I would have told her as well. My question is this: I have resolved to enjoy my marriage for what it is, and to not focus on the negative aspects as that only bring pain. So... even though I accept it, I want to make it better... I still want to see my wife more, and I still would like us to be more sexual.

I guess I do not know what else I can do on my own. In counseling we almost separated many times. My wife and I, we are avoiders and we do not discuss a lot of these issues. I wish we had the type of marriage I dreamed of, but who does? I want us to connect at more of a heart level, and I feel that it would lead us to joining in the physical in the act of making love and becoming ONE spiritually (indeed while we are in the physical, it helps to be joined in that loving way).
Can you help me?

Sincerely,

"I AM" Trying...

'There is no try. It is do or do not.'
Yoda

Dear “I AM” Trying…

The greatest challenge we will ever face in this life is coming into alignment with our own soul and our own truth. This is the reflection that relationship brings if we are willing to follow it. You speak from your heart and you have done good work with your wife; yet perhaps it is time to go deeper.

Rather than settling, how about risking more? Share your heart with her. Tell her you miss her when she’s gone. Tell her and model for her, that you’d like to take the risk of being more open and honest with each other, in the hopes of opening the door to deeper intimacy, and adjusting your lives to support this.

Creating a Spiritual Relationship by Paul Ferrini, is a simple little book with wonderful tools and guidance for doing this work. Get a copy for each of you and follow it together, like a workbook. Whatever you do, this exercise (even if done alone) will help you grow to the next level. And no matter what comes up in relationship – it’s still about You, not the other person. What are You learning, what are You becoming, how are You growing, what choices are You making? If the other person is willing to participate mutually, all the better.

If you take these steps and allow yourself to become more vulnerable, no matter what your wife chooses, it will take you deeper and put you in touch with your true desires for your life. You will become more empowered to make clear choices for yourself.

You may also want to consider reasons why an individual prefers to not be sexual, which may include hormonal imbalances or physical discomfort, inhibitive childhood experiences, fear of intimacy or lack of knowledge. You might explore the reasons honestly and then determine whether marriage is the path for you and your wife, or friendship. Safety and security often take precedence over growth, and you must find your own balance between these two societal issues.

For you are correct, it is one of the greatest privileges given us as humans to walk the path with another, sharing intimacy with consciousness and love. When the soul urges us to follow this path, it is hard to refuse.

~

See the movie ‘What the Bleep’, and learn what quantum physics teaches about how we create our reality.

‘What you think and feel you bring into form; where your thought is ~ there you are. For you are your consciousness in totality; and what you meditate upon you become.’ Saint Germain

Or in other words: be careful what you wish for… you just might get it!!!

Love or Karma Guru